|Look At My Sword!|
|Name:||Look At My Sword!|
|Number of chapters:||20|
|Original run:||August 21, 2011 - January 1st, 2012|
Look At My Sword! (a.k.a. LAMS) is a Comedy fan-fiction created by DanPin. Its first chapter was released on August 21, 2011.
King Vic The Illustrious – The king of Noobland. His funny antics are always scaring the villagers.
Princess Elianne – Vic’s crush from Effenmont. She is in Noobland because her father was sick of her behavior.
Bloodletter Bowen – Noobland’s physician. She is following her father’s footsteps after he left to Gastrobury.
Sir Broderick – A knight and Vic’s best friend. He is the kingdom’s Casanova.
Prior Angus – Noobland’s Peteran Priest. He is very wise and is respected by the villagers, despite his young age.
Troubadour Barnabus – A bard and the Tavern’s owner. He is a little greedy.
Forgemaster James – Noobland’s Smithy. Most women have a crush on him.
Look At My Sword was idealized by DanPin on August 4, 2011, during a conversation in the IRC Channel. The story is currently being written and the first chapter was released on August 21, 2011. It had a somewhat big hiatus between September and November 2011, when the author couldn't write because of school issues. The last chapter was released on January 1st, 2012.
The sun rose in Noobland. The flowers blossomed while the birds flew by. It was a nice day and it was King Vic’s 20th birthday.
“Hello, my good friend Bloodletter Bowen. How fare thee?”
“I am fine, thanks. Can we stop the medieval talk?”
“No, since that’s the time we’re in. You see, we… Yeah, it’s too hard. Okay. What’s new?”
“Well, I opened yesterday my new Clinic. I called it the ‘Sacred Spleen Clinic’. Do you like its name, Vic?”
“It is charming. You know, I haven’t seen Sir Broderick all day” said Vic. “Bowen, do you know where he is? Nobody was inside the Barracks.”
“I am sure he is sleeping in the Inn, my good sir.”
“Okay. Let’s go to the Village, shall we?”
“Sure. I also needed to get some leeches.”
“Oh, my dear Watcher!” screamed Vic. “LEECHES? You’re operating with leeches?”
“It’s either that or… acupuncture.”
“Ugh. Alternative medicine? Good grief!”
And they left, through the kingdom’s gates, to the Village. The Inn was in the middle, so they had to walk a bit. While Bowen was haggling the price of a jar of leeches in a stand, Vic looked around, hoping to see Broderick. Then, he saw a young woman. From that moment forward, he knew his life would change… forever.
Right before his eyes, there was the most beautiful woman King Vic had ever seen. Princess Elianne from Effenmont. He had heard that her father, the Elf Lord, sent her to Noobland so that she wouldn’t be such a spoilt brat. Modern-day people would say that she was just like Paris Hilton, but that can be subject to anyone’s judgment.
Anyways, back to the story…
“Bowen, Bowen!” said Vic.
“I told you to STOP CALLING ME THAT!” shouted Vic. “Anyways… Isn’t that fine woman Princess Elianne?”
“Yes, she is. The Town Crier told me that her father kicked her out.”
“I want to go talk to her. Should I?”
“Well, it is your birthday.”
“Yay! Oh, and keep an eye out for Sir Broderick.”
“Will do, Vic.”
And so, King Vic approached the Princess. Meanwhile, Bowen had just bought three big jars of leeches… for the price of one. She then continued her way, towards the inn. The streets were vibrant, and lots of servants from the castle came to buy supplies to the party it was going to happen later that night.
And then, she spotted the inn. She entered inside the building and headed towards the reception table, where she asked for her friend. The receptionist led her to the room and left. She opened the door, only to find a naked Broderick lying on the bed. Meanwhile…
“Good morning!” said Vic, cheerfully.
“Hi” replied the Princess. Vic wasn’t expecting the thing that happened next. “Who are you?”
“Oh, my dear Watcher!” screamed Bowen. “Put some clothes on!”
Sir Broderick was lying on the bed, naked. She had never seen that expression on his eyes. A mixture of surprise and horror was clearly visible in his face. Then, she looked at him and said:
“Don’t you have some sort of decency? A lady is in the room!”
“Well, it was too last night” replied Broderick. “And I took my clothes off in front of her.”
“That’s different” said Bowen in a strict tone. Then, her tone changed to a more gossipy tone. “Who was this time?”
“Well, you don’t want to know. Besides…” He then pointed to his waist. “Look at my sword!”
“BRODERICK!” she screamed. “Come on! Who is she?”
Meanwhile, in the village market…
“I am the king” said Vic.
“Wait. This is a kingdom? I thought it was a republic.”
“What’s a republic?”
“I think it’s the opposite of the monarchy.”
“Oh, I see. Anyways, would you like to come to the Reception Hall tonight?”
“No. I am going to get drunk in the Tavern.”
“No, thank you.”
And as she walked away, Vic felt his heart being crushed. But Bowen was not ready to what she was going to hear.
“Okay, I’ll tell you” said Broderick. “I had WooHoo with Princess Elianne!”
“You what?” asked Bowen, angrily. “You know, King Vic is now trying to talk to her! He likes her!”
“So? It doesn’t mean that…” Broderick stop talking for a moment. “Oh. I see. I have to tell Vic. But… this bed is so comfortable! More comfortable than other medieval beds, you know? And…” Broderick’s voice changed its tone to a flirtier one. “Want to join me?”
“Ugh… Let me think. NO!”
Bowen grabbed Sir Broderick’s garments and threw them at him. Then, she said in an annoyed tone:
“Get dressed, you little male harlot!”
When they left the inn, they saw Vic running towards them.
“Guys, thank god you’re here. I was talking to Princess Elianne and… I failed at wooing her” said Vic.
“Well, Broderick knows some juicy details about Elianne” said Bowen. “Right? Something that… happened in the inn?”
“Hum…” babbled Broderick. “I… had fun with her.”
“What kind of fun, Broderick?” asked Bowen, in a scoffer tone.
“We had fun with… WooHoo?”
“What?” inquired Vic, surprised. “You had WooHoo with that woman? That’s it. I am sending you to the stocks for two hours!” shouted. “What time is it, Bowen?”
“It’s seven o’clock, so… Broderick, you’ll be set free at nine. Vic, look! There is a Constable!”
Vic then gave an arrest order to the Constable, who took Broderick to the stocks.
“Bowen. We need to get the Princess at the Reception Hall this evening. I need your female intuition to lead her there, okay?”
“Sure. I will do it right away.”
“Okay. I’ll be near the stocks if you need me.”
Bowen was rushing through the Village, hoping to find Elianne. When she found her, she approached the Princess and said:
“My name is Bowen. I am Noobland’s physician.”
“Oh, really? Thank Watcher!” said Elianne, joyfully. “I had WooHoo with a knight last night and… I think he gave me a VD.”
“Okay. Let’s go to my clinic.”
Meanwhile, in the stocks, Vic was getting some tomatoes and rotten eggs while the Constable was locking Sir Broderick. When he was locked, Vic got a huge, rotten egg and threw it at the knight.
“Dude! C’mon! I wanted to woo that woman!” yelled Vic.
“Vic, I didn’t know. Also, she took the first step.” The rotten egg hit Broderick in the middle of his forehead. “Wow, you got a fantastic aim!”
“Thanks. Just for that, you’re being released half an hour earlier.”
“Gee, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now… tomato, egg or rock?” asked Vic, while picking up a stone from the ground.
“Hum… A tomato.”
“Rock it is!”
While Vic was throwing rocks, eggs and tomatoes at Broderick, Bowen was at the Sacred Spleen Clinic with Elianne. The latter was lying on the operation table.
“This won’t hurt, will it?”
“No. Now, spread your legs so I can examine your reproductive system.”
Bowen then started inspecting Elianne’s private parts when she noticed something.
“Are you itchy?”
“You have craps” said Bowen. She then gave Elianne a bottle with a pink creamy substance inside it. “Please apply this lotion every 12 hours for seven days. Also, avoid having WooHoo.”
“Thank you. What do I owe you?”
“Hmm… You can come to the Reception Hall this evening” said Bowen.
“No. I will stay in the Tavern drinking.”
“Okay. 200 simoles, then.”
“Here you go” Elianne then gave Bowen twenty coins of 10 simoles each. “Thanks for the help.”
Bowen knew that her mission failed. The then headed to the Monastery. Meanwhile, at the stocks…
“But… WHY DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?” yelled Vic, while throwing an egg at Sir Broderick’s face, which was full of bruises.
“Dude. I didn’t know you liked this girl. Also… I think she gave me a VD!”
“Really? Well… let’s get you to the Clinic. Constable, release him.”
When they arrived at the clinic, they noticed the door was locked. Vic then saw a note stuck to Bowen’s door. It said “I am at the Monastery. Send me a pigeon if you need me”. They realized that there were no pigeons with them (or around them), so they went to the religious building.
“Broderick, what’s your religion?” asked Vic, while they were walking.
“I’m a Peteran. What about you?”
“I’m a Peteran as well. I wasn’t going to let Jacobans to raise a cathedral in here, but the Royal Advisor told me to do it – some people could be mad.”
At the Monastery, Bowen was talking to Prior Angus, the Peteran Priest of Noobland.
“Prior Angus, I don’t know what to do. What if King Vic sends me to the stocks, or to… the pit?”
“Bowen. Listen to me. Relax. The king has a deep fondness for you. You’re a good friend. Also, Princess Elianne is a harlot, don’t you think?”
“I guess so.”
“Bowen!” screamed a voice, from the Monastery door.
“Oh, good Watcher!” yelled Bowen, frightened.
“Vic? Broderick? What are you guys doing in here?” asked Bowen, surprised.
“We need your help” replied Vic. “Sir Broderick thinks the Princess gave him a VD.”
“That is odd. She told me she got a VD from him!”
“So… Can you help me or not?” questioned Broderick, worried.
“Yes, I can” answered Bowen. “Prior Angus, can I examine him in your chambers?”
“Sure, go ahead. But be careful… The Watcher is watching you” whispered Angus. “He could be a pervert, so… avoid any nasty business.”
“Oh, don’t worry. We will pixelate” said Bowen.
And then, Sir Broderick and Bloodletter Bowen went inside of Prior Angus’ chambers. Meanwhile, outside of the room…
“Your Royal Highness, Miss Bowen failed at her task” said Angus.
“Oh, don’t worry. She did what she could. I am disappointed, but I think I will be able to do this. I wonder what is happening inside your chambers…”
“Okay” said Bowen, inside the chamber. “Take down your pants.”
“Well, sure. But you aren’t getting any luck” replied Broderick, as he took down his pants and undergarments.
“I am a doctor. Now…” Bowen stopped in the middle of her sentence because it was the second time she had to look at Broderick’s lower body parts. “…I am going to spray you with this ‘Watcher-Pixelation’ potion, so that he is only able to see pixels instead of your… you know.”
“Okay. Go ahead.”
Bowen examined Broderick very carefully. She looked through every inch of the area, until…
“You’re safe. No VDs around here.”
“Oh, thank Watcher!” shouted Broderick. “Also, I felt an itch when you sprayed me.”
“Oh, I see. I heard that the potion kills craps. Elianne also had these, but I treated them.”
“And… thank you, Bowen” said Broderick as he pulled up his pants. “I owe you one.”
“Yes, you do. Now, let’s get that woman into Vic’s arms!”
It was half past eight when Vic, Bowen and Broderick left the Monastery, after a quick praying session. The party was going to start in twelve hours, so Vic had to woo Elianne until then.
“We can send a pigeon to the Town Crier asking for assistance” said Bowen.
“How many pigeons have you got?” asked Vic and Broderick, at the same time. “We don’t have any of them with us.”
“I have one” replied Bowen. “I hope this works.”
Bowen picked up a piece of paper and wrote in it:
Dear Town Crier,
King Vic, Sir Broderick and I want to know the whereabouts of Princess Elianne from Effenmont. If you happen to know this information, please reply to me. We will be at the tavern.
“Let’s go to the tavern” said Bowen. “There is the possibility that she might be there.”
“Okay. Vic, do you agree with this?” asked Broderick.
And so they continued their path, hoping to find Princess Elianne. When they arrived at the tavern, everyone was surprised to find King Vic.
“Your Royal Highness” said a man. “I am the Bard and owner of this tavern. My name is Barnabus.”
“Okay, Barnabus. We would like your best table” replied Vic.
Barnabus led them to a small table, near the window. He then placed in the table three glasses of ale.
“From my best collection, to please a king like you” he said.
“Thanks” answered Broderick. Barnabus then left. “Okay. She is not here. And I’ve got an idea…”
“Vic, do you remember that Quest we did a while ago?” asked Broderick.
“The one in which we had to scare a peasant into returning a stolen object?”
“Yeah. If we do the same with Elianne, it may work.”
“Broderick, I am not sure if it works” said Bowen. “I could craft a potion filled with Flunitrazepam.”
“Flun-what?” asked Vic.
“It is also called Rohypnol.”
“Oh. I used that on a girl once” said Broderick.
“I see. Bowen, could you please tell me why Broderick has the Licentious Fatal Flaw and the Chivalrous trait? I don’t get how this is possible.”
“Vic, it isn’t a trait conflict. It should be, but it isn’t” alleged Bowen.
“Okay. Let’s get back to the plan” demanded Vic. “So, Elianne is in the… Where is she again?”
As Vic pronounced these words, a pigeon flew towards the window were sitting next to and went through the window. It dropped a scroll and then started flying in circles inside the tavern.
“Hmm. It is a message from the Town Crier” said Bowen.
I saw her going to the Forest half an hour ago.
Best wishes for your Quest,
The Town Crier
PS: Tell the King I wish him a happy birthday.
“She is in the forest” said Bowen, while reading the scroll. “Oh, and the Town Crier wishes you a happy birthday, Vic.”
“So, my plan was…” Vic was interrupted when the pigeon, trying to leave the tavern, hit the wall, right next to the window. “Seriously, that pigeon is dumb.”
“It’s dead” said Bowen, while checking the bird’s pulse. “Does anyone want pigeon soup?”
“Sure. It is almost noon” whispered Vic. He then asked Barnabus to cook the pigeon and to make a soup. “The plan is…”
“The plan is this…” said Vic, waiting for another interruption, which didn’t occur. “… Elianne is in the Forest, probably picking flowers or whatever. Then, Broderick, who is unrecognizable with his face full of bruises, will put on a special piece of armor I have and will threaten her.”
“Why me?” asked Broderick.
“You are a knight. You know how to do this” replied Vic. “Anyways… She will be scared. Then, I appear from the middle of the Forest with my favorite armor and sword and challenge you to a duel. You let me win, and she will appreciate my gesture that she will come to my birthday party and we’ll watch a special firework show made by the Wizard. I want opinions… now.”
“I want to ask you a question” said Bowen. “How are you king? This plan is so wacky I doubt it will work.”
“It’s better than yours!” shouted Broderick.
“Better than yours…” copied Bowen, in a childish tone.
“PEOPLE!” yelled Vic. “I am your king. Do as I say. If it doesn’t work, it is my problem, then.”
Bowen and Broderick settled down. She then said:
“Your plan is kinda good…”
“I agree with her” said Broderick. “I am also wondering when we’re getting our soup.”
When Broderick finished pronouncing those words, Barnabus arrived with a big bowl of pigeon soup.
“On the house, milord” he said. “You two need to pay me 15 simoles each.”
“Barnabus, man! We’re with the king!” yelled Broderick.
“Fine. It’s free.” Barnabus then left. And as our heroes ate the soup, they knew there was still a lot ahead of them…
“Okay, now we need to visit the good ol’ Blacksmith” said Vic, as they left the tavern.
“I never saw the Blacksmith. Is he hot?” asked Bowen.
“I heard he is the only Hero in here to have a Legendary Trait” whispered Broderick.
“Indeed. He has the Patient Legendary Trait” replied Vic.
“I also haven’t heard an answer to my question. Is he hot?” asked Bowen, impatiently.
“Yes, he is very handsome” replied Broderick and Vic, at the same time.
“Oh, I want to see him!” said Bowen, excited. She then ran towards the building, which was twenty feet away from them.
“What’s wrong with her, Broderick?” asked Vic.
“Oh, she saw my flesh sword twice today.”
“OH… MY… WATCHER!!!” yelled Bowen, from inside the house.
Both Vic and Broderick ran towards the building, where a fainted Bowen was in the Smithy’s arms.
“Dudes… Who is this chick?” asked the Blacksmith.
“Oh… James, that woman is Bloodletter Bowen, the Physician” said Broderick.
Bowen then regained conscience and saw Forgemaster James, the Blacksmith. He then put her down in a chair.
“Vic… he is… dreamy!” proclaimed Bowen.
“Yeah, I’m naming my son after him.”
“So…” said James. “What do you want?”
“We need some armors and you’re the only one in here who can make them” said Vic.
“Which ones?” asked James.
Vic then approached his ear and whispered something.
“A dinner plate? Man, I can’t do that. I am a blacksmith, not a pottery guy.”
Vic then whispered another thing to his ear.
“Ah… I see. Sure thing.”
Vic and Broderick were in the town square, in their armors, practicing for their fake battle. Meanwhile, Bowen was sitting in the same chair, watching James forging Vic and Broderick’s armors and weapons.
“And then, I will perform a Whirling Takedown and you’ll fall down” said Vic, as he performed the move and both Broderick and Vic fell.
“Dammit, man! That hurt!” shouted Broderick.
“I also hurt my elbow, so… shut up.”
“Do you think he is going to take too long?”
“A little bit. But don’t worry, he is a professional.”
“Also… What do you see in Elianne, Vic?”
“I have a thing for elves.”
“That is… creepy.”
“It is? Heh, I didn’t notice. Anyways, you may not like the feeling of your sword.”
“Hum… You won’t like it. And you don’t have to worry. Prior Angus is going to help you with that.”
“You’re starting to freak me out.”
“You’re starting to overreact.”
“Let’s get this over with, okay?”
It was already 3 o’clock when James finished forging Broderick and Vic’s gear. He quickly gave them the armors and swords. Vic paid James the respective amount of Simoles and left towards the forest, along with Broderick and Bowen. They entered the forest outskirts and kept walking until they reached a glade with a crown drawn in a tree.
“We are here” said Vic, taking off his clothes. Broderick started undressing himself as well.
“What are you doing?” asked Bowen. “Armor goes ON TOP of your clothes!”
“No, it doesn’t” corrected Broderick. “Trust me, Vic and I have to wear armor on a daily basis. Also, if you’re not convinced, check Yahoo! Answers.”
“What are those?” asked Bowen.
“I don’t know… Something the Watcher made me say” replied Broderick, as he pulled down his pants. Bowen was in shock to find out that he didn’t have anything underneath.
“Gaaah! What happened to your undergarments?” asked Bowen, in shock.
“I left them at the Inn. You were such in a hurry that I forgot to get them.”
“You two use undergarments?” asked Vic, trying to hold his laugh. “A king’s private parts shouldn’t be trapped in cloth! I only wore those back at my home land. Anyways, we should get our armors. Broderick, your equipment is the black set and mine is the white one.”
“Dude, I just hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” said Broderick while he put his armor on. “These are creepy!”
“Broderick! Stop whining!” shouted Bowen. “We are going to make this happen. If you have a problem, deal with it! We are going to fulfill our goal, whether you like it or not!”
“Fine…” replied Broderick. “Let’s get this show on the road!”
“Okay, Broderick” said Vic. Both of them were in their armors, hiding behind some bushes. “There's Elianne. Come on. Scare the dung out of her!”
“Is it safe to say that, like, in Wikia?” asked Bowen.
“What?” said both Broderick and Vic, in unison.
“Meh. Never mind.”
“Let’s move on, shall we? Broderick, go! She is picking some flowers!” shouted Vic.
“FINE! I’m going!” said Broderick. “And I don’t like the feeling this sword is giving me…”
“What do you want? It’s a Doomsword. That’s why Prior Angus is here” replied Vic, annoyed.
“Hi, guys!” said Angus, coming out of a bush.
“Okay. This is getting too weird” whispered Broderick. “I’m going in.” Broderick left the glade and continued walking. Suddenly, he teleported and got right next to the Princess. He then held the Doomsword next to Elianne’s neck and said, in a dark tone:
“Give me all your money or I’ll kill you!”
“Gaah!” yelled Elianne. “I don’t have any. I swear!”
“Really? I believe you are… a Princess.” Broderick then put his hand in her bag.
“What are these? Coins? Oh, these are Gold Simoles!
“THEY ARE MINE! Leave me alone!”
“Not quite yet…” Broderick gave her a punch and she fell to the ground.
“Help… Help!” said Elianne, crying.
“Leave her alone, you bandit!” shouted a person.
“Who’s that?” asked Broderick. The person came out of the bushes, wearing an Angelsguard and wielding an Angel’s Talon.
“’Tis your Monarch, King Vic The Illustrious!”
Broderick faked a scared look. He then tried to pretend he didn’t see that coming:
“King Vic!” he shouted, while he held the Doomsword next to Elianne’s neck. “You shouldn’t be here in this part of the Forest!”
“Well, it IS my kingdom” replied Vic, while speaking in an eloquent tone. He then rose his Angel’s Talon. “Also, my dear foe, you are underestimating the awesome power of King Vic the Illustrious!”
“Well, we will see about that!” said Broderick. He then lowered his sword and pushed Elianne, who fell and hit her head in a rock.
Vic then looked at Broderick with pure anger.
“OH, IT IS ON, PAL!” he screamed.
Vic charged at Broderick. Broderick almost wasn’t able to dodge the attack. He then backed away and swept his sword in the air. A fire arrow came out of the weapon and hit Vic’s knee.
“Ugh!” moaned Vic. Luckily, the Angelsguard protected his leg and the arrow only damaged a bit his knee. “Dude. REALLY? A SKYRIM REFERENCE?”
“What is that?” asked Broderick, confused.
While Broderick had his guard down, Vic approached him and hit him with the sword’s handle.
As Broderick’s helmet flew off, the Monarch wasn’t prepared for what he saw.
“What? Damn, what happened in there?” asked Vic.
From the glade, Bowen watched the horribly deformed look of Broderick’s.
“Oh my, Broderick. What is wrong with your face?” thought Bowen.
Bowen and Angus looked from the glade at Broderick’s horribly deformed face. His left cheek was burnt and his eyes were red.
“Prior Angus, do you know what happened?”
“My darling, those are the effects of the Doomsword.”
“How can a sword do that?”
“Cutie pie, we live in medieval times. It’s part of our nature to believe blindly in all sorts of things. But what matters here is that Doomswords are cursed.”
“Cursed?” asked Bowen, with a worried look.
“Yes. You heard me. Unless we separate your friend from that sword, his soul will disappear and he will become pure evil.”
Vic then looked at the glade. Bowen and Angus’ faces were poking out of a bush. She then showed some gestures.
“Those signs…” thought Vic. “Separate… Broderick’s… Sward? What? That makes no sense. Why would he have a piece ground containing a matt of grass and grass roots?” Vic then stopped. “Oh. SWORD! Bowen sucks at Sim Sign Language. Okay. I know what I have to do.”
Meanwhile, Bowen and Angus snuck out of the glade and carefully approached Elianne.
“Elianne?” asked Bowen. “ELIANNE!”
“Let me take care of this” whispered Angus. “Lady, wake up!” He then slapped her a couple of times. Shortly after, she opened her eyes.
“Oh, girl” said Bowen, relieved. “You’re back.”
“What’s happening?” said Elianne, baffled.
“A man assaulted you and the king came in your rescue” answered Bowen.
Elianne then tried to look at the battle.
“Eat mithral, you dummy!” shouted Vic, as he performed a Whirling Takedown on Broderick.
“Angus! Prepare to bless him!” said Bowen.
“I’m on my way!” Angus then got up and took out a bottle of Blessed Well Water as Broderick fell to the ground. The sword had fallen a couple of meters from them.
“Come on, buddy. Drink this. It will make you better.”
As Angus opened Broderick’s mouth and made him drink the water, Vic put away his Angel’s Talon. Elianne was still lying on the floor, with her head resting on Bowen’s lap.
“I’m… huh… going to dispose of this horrible sword” said Vic, while pointing at the Doomsword.
“Let me dispose of it” said Broderick, with a slightly evil smile.
“Easy, tiger” whispered Angus, while he pushed the knight’s chest towards the ground. “You’re not doing anything to that weapon. I’ll get rid of it.”
“Thanks, man. Throw it into the beast’s pit” replied Vic.
Angus picked up the sword and started leaving the forest.
“Wait!” shouted Bowen. “We’re already prepared to go. Let’s all go!”
They all left the forest and the sun was setting. Vic was carrying Broderick, Bowen was helping Elianne to walk and Angus carried the Doomsword… with a glove.
“I don’t like the feeling this is giving me” complained Angus. “I think the curse’s power multiplies because I am a priest.”
“Nonsense” replied Broderick. “Once you get used to it, you won’t…” Vic hit Broderick’s stomach with his elbow. “Ugh! Dude, I am alright!”
“Prior Angus” said Vic, while tightening the ropes that held Broderick’s torso onto Vic’s back. “How long does the blessed water take to have effect?”
“Just another hour and he will be safe and sound.”
“Terrific! That gives us enough time to feed the sword to the pit beast and go to the Reception Hall!”
Bowen noticed Elianne’s arm getting tense.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I don’t want to go to the Reception Hall” whispered Elianne to Bowen’s ear.
Bowen felt that they needed to be alone.
“Guys, we’ll meet you in the Reception Hall. We need to take care of something first” said Bowen, loudly.
“Okay, Bowen” replied Vic. He then complained to Broderick: “Dude, why do you keep getting heavier?”
Vic looked up and saw his friend trying to reach the Doomsword.
“Not so fast, pal!” shouted Angus, who hit Broderick with the handle.
As the men walked away, towards the pit and the stocks, Elianne looked at Bowen with a guilty face.
“Come on” said Bowen. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I… I like the king and feel thankful for what he did, but…”
“But what?” asked Bowen.
“I…” Elianne stopped and took a deep breath. “I am married.”
Bowen had a blank stare on her face.
“Did you just say you’re married?”
“Yeah. It was a stupid thing. See, I fell in love when I was about 12 and we got married three years later. I was 15 and he was 17. But then my dad didn’t like it and made me wander around the world. It took me four years to get here.”
“Wow. That’s so sad” said Bowen. “And damn, girl, you’re 19?”
“Yeah. Some people say I look like I am 24. Can you believe it? I am not some old chick!”
Bowen made an irate face.
“I am 24, for your information.”
“Oh” replied Elianne. She then tried to mend her mess. “But… you look great!”
“Watch it. If you say anything like that about me, and I swear to the Watcher, I will push you into the pit!” Bowen then looked up.
“We are standing here for the past fifteen minutes and the sun is setting. We need to get back to the castle!”
Bowen and Elianne started running. Meanwhile, at the pit…
“Doris!” shouted Vic. A tentacle appeared. “Oh, good. You’re still awake. I’ve got something for you…”
The tentacle moved in happiness.
“Can I give her this?” asked Angus.
“Sure” replied Vic. “But be careful, because it can hurt you.” The tentacle made a thumbs up. “Okay. Go ahead.”
Angus threw the Doomsword into the pit. The beast started emitting a red glow. And soon, the tentacle was back where it had been five minutes before.
“We need to get to the party” said Broderick, while Vic was putting him down. “Ouch. Vic, you’re lucky you’re only turning 20. Your body regenerates faster. Look at me. Five years older than you and that blessed water hasn’t helped me that much.”
Elianne and Bowen entered the castle. The latter approached the Royal Advisor and asked:
“Has the king arrived?”
“No, he hasn’t. But the Town Crier told me he had seen them in the pit a quarter of hour ago.”
Bowen then made a gesture to Elianne telling her to follow her to the Reception Hall. When they entered the room, they were amazed by the decoration. The tables were arranged in a U shape and there was a stage against the wall. There were banners all over the place and everyone was dressed nicely. A jester was telling jokes on the stage.
Meanwhile, Vic, Angus and Broderick, already wearing their formal clothes, were leaving the Constable’s house.
“Thanks for letting us change outfits in there” said Vic.
“Oh, no problem. Anything for my king” said the Constable.
And then, they carried on their journey to the Reception Hall. When they got there, Vic and Elianne looked at each other and ran towards each other.
“My king, thank you so much for saving me.” She then kissed him on the lips. “I love you.”
“I love you too” he replied, before kissing her again.
“Well, I’ve got to go” said Angus. “I have to give my sermon.”
The party was memorable. Everyone laughed at the Jester’s jokes and loved the Bard’s music, that gave a romantic atmosphere to the room. The meal was delicious and the party ended with firework magic performed by the Wizard. Everyone watched it from the Castle’s balcony.
“We make a great team” said Broderick, while hugging Bowen.
“Yes, yes we do” she replied, enamored.
“We would also make great babies” he whispered, in a flirty tone. Bowen laughed, until she saw the look on his face. “I am serious.
“That can be arranged. Let’s go to the Barracks” said Bowen, while pulling Broderick towards the exit.
“Before we get married,” said Elianne, “I need to tell you that I have a spouse back home.”
Then, a man came in.
“Elianne! It’s me, your estranged husband.” He then ran towards her but fell out of the balcony when Vic pushed him.
“No problem” replied Vic. “The death separated you two right now.”
Two months later, Vic and Elianne got married in a huge ceremony in the Monastery. Vic’s maturity grew and he renamed the kingdom to “SimLand”. Bowen and Broderick got married seven months after the royal wedding, but she went into labor during the reception and Parker was born.
The people of SimLand stopped fearing the king’s antics, because those stopped happening and the kingdom became the most important country in the area.