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Episode 1: It's Goin' Down, I'm Yellin' Cheater!Edit
Shalonda: So everybody! Do you like the new house?
Connor: I love it, how bout you Samara?
Connor: DO YOU LIKE THE NEW HOUSE?! YES OR NOOOOO!!!!
Samara: ... (quietly) I dunno
Samara: (walks away to sit and listen to Skrillex in the treehouse)
Connor: What went wrong? She has black and red hair, wears black makeup and listens to music called "dubstep" that sounds like rocks in a blender that's being blended by a giant blender in another giant blender with giant rocks in!
Shalonda: Connor it's probably just a phase (kisses him) nothing went wrong.
Connor: Honey, the midwife died two days after her birth, that can't be a coincedince!
Shalonda: The midwife had a heart condition! Samara had nothing to do with it! She was two days old! Now shut up!
Connor: There is only one way to end this...
Shalonda: Makeup WooHoo on our new bed
Shalonda:...uh...well...i'll go brush my teeth first
Connor: or we could just go to the shower or our horse's haystack
Shalonda: Eh..you choose
(meanwhile in the treehouse)
Samara: (listens to Skrillex's EP) CALL 911 NOW! BRRRR DRRRR DRR DRRR DRR BRRR DRRRR BRR BRR BRR BRR
Random old lady walking past: Shut up you crazy emo hussy!
Samara: WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO SOME SKRILLEX!
Random lady: (mumbling) stupid emo dubstep freak!
Samara: (unplugs iPod and puts it out the treehouse window for the lady to hear)
iPod: CALL 911 NOW! (dubstep beat)
Lady: DEVIL MUSIC! GIRL YOU NEED JESUS!
Samara: I'm bored, im gonna put fake blood on my wrists and trick people on Chat Simlette that i cut myself. When i'm 16 i'll do it for real!
(A few hours later)
Shalonda: I'm going out to the club
Connor: Oh i'm coming too
Shalonda: No...uh...you stay with Samara and keep her out of trouble...
Samara: (walks in) Mom where do you keep your red lipstick, i'm out of fake blood
Shalonda: It's in my purse sweetie
Connor: Ok...have fun
Connor: (thinking) What could she be doing?
Shalonda: He'll never know...
(at The Brightmore)
Thornton Wolff: Hi...you called
Shalonda: Yeah...you were the only person who would do this, Lisa Bunch and your wife didn't want to
Thornton: Are you sure your husband won't arrive
Shalonda: Unless he is willing to take my 11 year old emo daughter who tricks people into thinking she cuts herself then no.
Thornton: Just get us past the bouncer and into the hot tub.
Shalonda: (goes up to bouncer) Shalonda Bain plus 1.
Bouncer: Go right in
Shalonda: (gets in to hot tub with Thornton and they make out) Oh yeah. I'M A CHEATER AND I LIKE IT!
Thornton: (while making out with Shalonda) So married for 11 years, must be good to see other guys without losing your husband right?
Shalonda: Tell me about it, same with You and Morgana
Thornton: Yep, 12 years. You said you tried to get her in the hot tub with you?
Shalonda: I don't care if i woohoo with girls or boys just as long as I get at least woohooed by a different person a week.
Thornton: Wanna...Go further
Shalonda: Ok (WooHooes with Thornton)
Connor: Samara what's with the chicken in between your legs?
Samara: Well uh
Person on Chat Simlette: Wait that's a chicken? I thought it was your....
Samara: (closes laptop) Heh heh
Connor: GROW UP AND LISTEN TO REAL MUSIC!!!
Samara: (swears angrily)
Connor: YOU ARE GROUNDED, NO MORE LAPTOP OR SKRILLEX FOR YOU!!!
Shalonda: (comes in) Connor don't ground her, she's just having some fun!
Connor: Oh you're back
Connor: Why do you smell of hot tub water and look like someone just drowned you.
Shalonda: Uh...no reason, Goodnight! (goes to bed)
Connor: (thinking) I'll never understand women!